The Snake Chronicles, aka Skip this post if you are snake-aphobic

Daddy took Bubs to the reptile show this weekend and came back with this (friendly, but still frightening) King snake.

Have I mentioned that Daddy is quite the tease?...And that I am one of the most gullible people on the planet? (No, really. Try to sell me beachfront property in Kansas. Actually that won't work. I'm too cheap. Anyway...)

So, on the way home, Daddy called and said that Bubby had just absolutely-positively fallen in love with this huge python...so huge, in fact, that it would have to live in one of our 2 bathtubs. I kept saying I didn't believe him, but I did. At least that's a step in the right direction for me...saying I don't believe.

Needless to say, this little-ish, well, medium-ish snake was a big relief. Although I wouldn't go as far as Daddy as to say it is part of the family.

You might have a preschooler if...

1. You get excited when the toilet paper roll runs out because you've been needing one for an art project.

2. You are frequently asked to sound out words like: xsozeutrpqmnbatroyblw

3. You have 1 goal for a whole day-clean the bathrooms-and at the end of the day, they're still as dirty as they were when you woke up. Worse actually because a little someone was having too much fun to quite make it to the toilet.

4. You are expected to make faces out of quesadillas, the honey on peanut butter sandwiches, and every other snack you can think of.

5. You just said, "Just a sec" to someone.

6. Your fridge has more art on it than any wall in your home.

7. When your husband forgets to put his socks in the hamper, you threaten to take his car away.

8. It is common for you to find crayon bits in your pockets, writing on your arms, and segments of tape in your hair.

9. You haven't been in a bathroom alone for a few years.

10. Dressing up now means you add 8 necklaces and a tiara to your sweats outfit.

And finally, you had to stop halfway through this list to run to someone's rescue.

10 Confessions

1. The husband-man calls me "The Human Compass" and, believe me, it's not a compliment. Even the Bubs is always saying I need a GPS.
2. I never used a coupon in my life (except at Roberts Crafts) until last week. Now I'm a coupon FREAK. I mean, who wouldn't get excited about 7 cent cereal? Or free milk and eggs?
3. I am a trichotillomaniac. Yes, truly. I pull my eyelashes out without realizing it. I try to cover it up with mascara and long bangs, but sometimes I have noticeable bald patches. I've been trying to stop for 15 years.
4. A little girl just asked if I'm having another baby. Nope. My belly just doesn't want to leave yet.
5. If my bed is made, it is more likely that Bubs made it than me.
6. I learned to drive in a Suburban. One morning, I hit BOTH the side of the house AND my dad's truck...Now I have my own burb. So far, so good.
7. I recently itched my cheek and discovered baby poop there.
8. My mom says I have stinky feet...and it just so happens that the husband-man can't smell (AT ALL. He never has.) That's just one of the many ways we're perfect for each other.
9. YA fantasy is my favorite genre to read. I love it, but somehow I feel really silly saying that at book club.
10. I'm scared of X-files. When the husband-man used to watch it, I'd go to bed early. BUT I could still hear it and felt afraid. Ya gotta love studio apartments.

Confession 10 1/2: I totally stole this confession idea from my friend's blog. (Hi Jodi!)

So that's me.

How about you? Want to confess your G-rated issues?

Accidental Swearing

Do your kids accidentally swear? Seriously. My kids love to rhyme words...Ham-bam-wham-zam-dam-n.

It's when they're rhyming words like duck or sit that I start to cringe.

It's not just when they play the rhyming game either.

The other day, Bubs was dancing around for like FIFTEEN minutes saying "shoot shoot shoot shake" (only NOT shoot, ya know?) OVER and OVER again. It's all the husband-man and I can do to keep from laughing.

And when we do laugh and they ask what's so funny? We say it's a grown-up secret.

Now the Bubs can't wait to grow up and find out what the speck-beck-heck is so funny.

What do crafts and toilets have to do with each other?

My friend asked me to cut 13 signs that said, "Did you think to pray?" for a group of girls at church to make signs out of. This one got a little messed up, so I kept it and put it on my wall...and, yes, it IS crooked. I know. It looks better in real life. Maybe.

Anyway, I put it here...

So, the husband-man comes in and says, "I like the new words. Is that so I'll pray the toilet doesn't clog?"

Nice.

Paper or Plastic?

Now, I don't profess to be green or anything, but paper bags are better for the earth than plastic, right? Cause it's weird, but I get this guilty feeling whenever I ask for paper bags. I do. (I mean, most people do ask for plastic, right?) I look around, wondering who's watching, and then I say softly...paper please. my kids use them for art projects.

But WHY do I feel this way? I'm clueless...and probably really on my own with this one...

Crazy Hair Day

When Bubs has hair sticking up in back, I tell him he has an Alfalfa. Well, this was our latest conversation...

Bubs: Mom, your hair looks crazy.

Me: Because I did it curly today?

Bubs: No. Because you have millions of alfrooofas.

Gotta love the honesty.